Here’s the deal. Remember yesterday when I said that it seems rather strange that a company that produces absolutely nothing may beat out General Motors with their upcoming IPO? General Motors, a company that has produced some of the most profoundly beautiful vehicles known to man, may have their $18.1 billion IPO beaten by Facebook, an innovator, of that there is no doubt, but not a producer of tangible goods.

Well, first off, it seems as though GM read that blog, because today, it was announced that GM had pulled all of their paid ads from Facebook because “no one clicks on them.” Come to find out, a huge majority of Facebook users barely acknowledge paid ads, let alone click on them.

As marketing space really is Facebook’s claim to fame and their only real, tangible piece of revenue generation, this development begs the question “why in the world is this company worth $100 billion?”

Simple answer, because, right now, people are willing to believe that. Facebook released more stock today, bumping their soon to be available stock number up about 100 million more units. They’re hoping that the market agrees with them when they say that their stock is worth $38-$42 per share. If this be the case, their IPO will raise almost $20 billion.

But, again, Facebook’s lack of an actual product continues to haunt them. The vast majority of their $3.7 billion revenue in 2011 was from advertising. It is no secret that sites like this make the majority of their bank from brands hoping to cash in on all of the eyes that frequent the spot.

There is an inherent danger to this thinking, though.

I could go out, score a couple of deals with some of the interweb’s most popular porn sites and sell ad space. Yeah, I could guarantee that every month, your ad will be in front of millions of pairs of eyes. But, I couldn’t guarantee a single sale. Why? Because when folks type in “One Night In Paris”, they aren’t exactly in the mood to be clicking on an ad for business cards.

True, that is a rather extreme example, but you get my point, yes? It doesn’t matter how big your audience is, what matters is what your audience is doing on a certain site and whether or not it makes sense for you to be there at all. For GM, the answer was obvious. No one wanted to click on an ad for a $30,000 automobile while late night trolling for their ex’s new Facebook page. Makes sense, yeah? Yes, yes it does. So, obvious….or was it?

Does this little realization spell trouble for Facebook? Yes. Will they have to do some damage control? Yes. But does this little realization spell doom for Facebook? No. Why? Well, to answer that question, I, as ever and always, turned to Oneupweb’s Maven of All Things PPC And Facebook, Kate Shapkaroff.

“Because Facebook PPC is a great way to grow your fan base.  It’s low entry engagement to ‘Like’ a company.  The more you grow your fan base, the more opportunities your brand has to engage your adopters.  With this engagement, you can help create brand adorers – people who purchase and/or use your services (if they haven’t already).  More importantly, your adorers can help recruit more adopters, keeping the circle flowing and growing.”

It is no surprise that Ms. Shapkaroff, once again, hits the nail on the head here. Facebook marketing isn’t about selling a $30,000 car by way of a one click PPC ad. Facebook marketing’s value rests within its ability to BUILD UP to that purchase, or, as Kate said, create brand adorers and adopters. If GM were to have some real interaction with its Facebook community, i.e. building up a fan base, having a fun, interactive voice, running a few challenges and/or competitions, maintaining an awesome working contact with current GM owners, building fans, giveaways, events, etc., that would translate into some amazing brand loyalty and word of mouth marketing (both being the holy grail of marketing, by the way). This brand rep building through Facebook would come into play big time the next time any fan of GM’s Facebook page needs to make a car purchase. GM currently has over 387,000 Likes on their page. That means that if they were to utilize Facebook properly, it is completely logical to say that because of their Facebook brand building at least 2 Facebook fans per day were buying a GM vehicle. Completely plausible. By those conservative numbers, only 730 of the more than 387,000 fans would need to buy a GM vehicle to make that statement true. I’d say revenue generated at about $50,000-$60,000 per day (conservatively) is a pretty damn good investment!

See what I’m getting at here? No, PPC ads focused on one click, one sell will not work for most brands on Facebook. But, if you utilize Facebook for what it is, a community wherein your brand can become an integral member of your consumer’s circle of friends, then you will reap the rewards that Facebook has to offer.

“What’s most important with Facebook PPC is to determine what you would like your fan base to ultimately do – purchase more, remain loyal adorers, etc.  You can amass a fair amount of fans to your page, but what good does that do you if you don’t engage them and keep happy?” asks Kate. Very true. Facebook’s worth is in the fact that it has the capability to place your brand in your consumer’s comfort zone and create a mouthpiece for your brand through that consumer. There is unlimited potential on Facebook for a brand, but only if you utilize it correctly, and that begins with engagement. And that’s what’s worth $100 billion.

Well, it is almost time for Facebook to launch its IPO (Initial Public Offering). Folks are waiting with baited breath, hoping for a cash cow to be realized, especially since this company has just topped the $100 billion mark in worth. People are saying that this IPO could be between $14 and $18 billion, depending on who you’re reading or talking to. But, alas for Facebook, that $18 billion is still well short of the largest IPO to ever occur.

In the spirit of the continuing IPO madness, I decided to do a little research and compile a list of the biggest IPOs to date, just to give Mr. Zuckerberg, an ardent reader of this blog, no doubt, an idea of where his IPO needs to land to claim #1!

#10: HCA Holdings – IPO raised $4.4 billion in 2011. HCA is the parent company of Hospital Corp. of America’s network of hospitals.

#9: Conoco – IPO raised $4.4 billion in 1998.  Conoco, previously owned by DuPont, controls a chunk of the world’s oil and gas industry.

#8: The Blackstone Group – IPO raised $4.8 billion in 2007. Blackstone is a private equity firm investing in the likes of Sea World, The Weather Channel, Michaels Stores, Extended Stay America, Spirit Group (PUBS! YAY!), Houghton Mifflin, Columbia House, Charter Communications, Universal Orlando, Sirius, Six Flags, and many more.

#7: CIT Group – IPO raised $4.9 billion in 2002. CIT is a commercial finance company.

#6: KKR Private Equity Investors – IPO raised $5.1 billion in 2006. KKR is an investment firm listing clients like BMG Music, Del Monte Foods, Dollar General, Go Daddy, The Nielsen Company,  Sealy and many more.

#5: United Parcel Service (UPS) – IPO raised $5.5 billion in 1999. UPS is….well, if you don’t know, there’s something wrong with you.

#4: Kraft Foods – IPO raised $8.7 billion in 2001. Kraft is a mainstay in the world’s food industry.

#3: AT&T Wireless – IPO raised $10.6 billion in 2000. AT&T Wireless is the wireless arm of the telecommunications giant.

#2: General Motors – IPO raised $18.1 billion in 2010. General Motors makes cars or something, I’m not sure. *Sarcasm*

#1: VISA – IPO raised $19.65 billion in 2008. VISA is a debt accumulating company….credit card company…..whatever.

So, there you have it! The top 10 IPOs to date. Seem strange that a company that doesn’t really produce anything is on the verge of beating out GM’s IPO? Well, it should. I understand that Facebook is a massive marketing engine full of endless potential, but is that enough to push it up over the top here and bump one of the $4 billion wannabes off of this list? Who knows, we shall see soon!

Meanwhile, I’ll take my non-$100 billion self to Firefly and grab an Old Fashioned. That’s how we do, here at Oneupweb!

OK ladies and gents. Today, I have set up a unique challenge for myself. I will be slightly deviating from the usual path of knowledge and awesomeness that is prevalent here at StraightUpSearch.

We’re all in business and, right now, the biggest news in business is Voldemort, The London Whale, JP Morgan and a staggering (yet not so staggering) loss of $2 billion (with the possibility of another $1 billion on top of that if the market doesn’t swing JP’s way).

In all actuality, this $2 billion loss is less than one percent of JP Morgan’s investment asset fund of $350 billion. And that $350 billion? That’s only 1/6 of the company’s total asset value. Good freaking lord that company is a monster. This monster is set to post something like an $18 billion profit for the year, so, let us not feel too bad for them, shall we?

After hearing this ridiculousness, I began to wonder about the flip-side of that coin……who just made $2 billion?? Aha! Now the game is afoot!

AND I’VE SOLVED IT!!!

Who made $2 billion? The tooth fairy, Santa Clause, Davey Jones, Mickey Rooney and other completely imaginary characters. Why do I say that? Because, as I suspected, the $2 billion doesn’t seem to have ever existed! THIS little factoid runs rampant throughout our financial system and, frankly, as well as pissing me off, it scares the hell out of me! Our financial system, with all of its inflated volume and figures, is a trumped up LIE.

Market to market loss. That’s what it’s known as. That’s where this $2 billion was lost. In market to market trading.

Let me give you an example of what I am speaking of here. This example is quite possibly the best that I have ever heard or seen as far as breaking down the formulas.

You have just purchased a Toblerone for $1. You run into one of your friends. He is starving. He offers to buy your Toblerone for $10, but he doesn’t have $10, so he gives you an OFFICIAL note that basically says “here’s $10 that I will pay someday.” You gladly accept, having just multiplied your investment 10 fold! But, OH NO! Now YOU are starving! So, you beg to have the Toblerone back, you offer $50! Your friend accepts, and you write out a pledge to pay $50. This little back and forth continues until you get to $100,000. Now, at this point, your little two person market has valued this Toblerone at $100,000, a sum of money that you both have, as one of you holds a note promising to pay $100,000 and the other holds the Toblerone, valued at $100,000.

But, alas, all good things must come to an end (not true, what is true is that all STUPID things must come to an end). Reality hits and suddenly a third party values your Toblerone at $1. You both have just lost $99,999. A huge loss, but not an actual loss, because no real money was ever involved in the transactions.

Looking at JP’s loss through the lenses applied by way of this little scenario brings a thing or two to light, yeah? First, it appears as though I was practicing Master Degree level high finance when I was on my elementary school playground. Secondly, how can these people not see that Monopoly money isn’t real money? And third, the investors over at JP are suffering some very real stress over this fake $2 billion scandal.

Isn’t it funny how this non-loss, concocted within the minds of Wall Street bigs (overvaluing the hell out of things), is having some very real world  consequences? Already, JP’s 30 year serving CIO has bitten the dust. There are rumors that more heads will roll and for what? Fake money? Dollars that never existed in the first place? Valuing a product that was clearly worth very little at more than it ever could hope to be worth? Idiocy, lunacy, unbelievable. Brings to mind the military’s $15,000 toilet seats and $30,000 hammers, doesn’t it? Except……our government actually gave people real money for that malarkey……amazing.

Promises. This business world is full of promises. Day in and day out you hear promises. Promises aren’t worth anything. They’re dead air, worthless paper. Action is what creates true wealth, in business or otherwise. The completion of a task, the taking of an action. All day long, people can promise and write goals on paper and give them to you “to take to the bank.” But, when it comes time to actually cash those promises in, will your market come crashing down around you as folks laugh in your face at the perceived value you placed upon such a worthless promise?

Kind of makes you think, doesn’t it? Does JP Morgan have any real money? Or is it all tied up in the promises that they make?

At Oneupweb, we don’t do promises. Here, you find actions, not promises; results, not guarantees. There’s no market to market here. It’s all real world and its all about our clients.

This week has been a doozy! Avengers rocked, Netflix added some sweet content to their offerings (personal excitement, I love my Netflix!) and I had some killer nosh at Giovanni’s! And oh yeah! Life was good online as well.

In the spirit of Friday, I will continue StraightUpSearch’s little tradition of offering you some bits of awesome for your upcoming trek into the weekend. So, here are 10 pretty awesome things that you may have missed this past week! Enjoy!

Baaaa-da-da-da

Acapella, it’s a wonderful thing! You may all remember the One Man dude (he did all sorts of One Man things utilizing his impressive voice range). Well, now there’s the Star Wars Theme guy. This is actually pretty damn good. Check it out! Also…..he does a billion other themes, including my favorites: Friends and Bill Nye The Science Guy (Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! HAAA!).

HRH On The Eights (<– That title, that title right there? That title is BRILLIANT!)

It’s dry, it’s fantastic and the Prince says “hell.” I have always been a huge fan of His Royal Highness (hence the HRH) Charles, Prince of Wales (the title every heir to throne holds, by the way, British royal trivia there). And now, I’m even more so. Watch this video of the Prince delivering a weather forecast on a local Scottish BBC channel, a stop he made to celebrate the station’s 60th year and the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee. Watch it all the way through, he cracks wise a couple of times. Good stuff, this!

Harvard, Call Me Maybe?

It takes a man’s man to play baseball. It’s only the greatest sport on the planet. Check out these Harvard men’s men as they alleviate some boredom on the road in a most peculiar way.

A Mad Man’s Advice….To 16 Year Old Girls

Jon Hamm is freaking awesome. Mad Men is one of my absolute favorite shows. Here, Mr. Hamm dishes out some grand advice, based upon years of experience. Every kid should watch this.

Zuck’s Hoodie

Seems that a bunch of folks on The Street (Wall Street) don’t think Mark Zuckerberg is showing much respect showing up with a hoodie to these all important investor meetings, IPO gatherings, etc. Hmm. I’m going to go ahead and side with Mr. Mark on this one. He’s about to make you whiny bitches filthy rich. You’re not about to make him filthy rich, he already is! So, know your role and shut your mouth.

Besides, if Michael Moore’s peeps aren’t offended and if billionaires Mary Kate and Ashley can do it daily as well, then my “shut up” statement is confirmed. Also, if you guys were able to move around a bit more comfortably, maaaaaay-bee we wouldn’t be in the mess that we’re in right now, am I right JP Morgan Chase? You feel me? Yeah, you feel me.

James Blunt Finds Heaven To Be Grey

Death rumors abound on the internet these days. Seems like every day some celebrity is dead, only to come back to life by way of their chosen social medium. One of the most recent victims of this death hoax is James Blunt. After discovering he was dead, Blunt Tweeted to the world the following words: “Not sure if this rumor is true or not, but if so, I can report that the afterlife looks remarkably like London.” HA!

Farewell Maurice

As many of you will already know, children’s author and epic awesome monger Maurice Sendak passed away this week. In honor of him, I give you these words from him in response to an interviewer encouraging him to share a story about a fan encounter.

“A boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing. I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters – sometimes very hastily – but this one I lingered over. I sent him a postcard and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote ‘Dear Jim, I loved your card.’ Then I got a letter back from his mother, and she said ‘Jim loved your card so much he ate it.’ That, to me, was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”

Facebook Highlights, For A Fee

For $2, some dude in New Zealand could have had his status highlighted by Facebook. But, alas, he thought it was a scam, imagine that? Turns out, Facebook actually is running a test to see if people will be receptive to such a thing. There are certainly some marketing implication inherent here, if one can get around the safeguards that have no doubt been put into place.

Camp India!

As the weather begins to warm and the summer months begin to draw close, many folks are turning their minds to vacation! A forum that has caught my eye recently highlights the 50 best camping options in India. I’m severely intrigued. While living in Guatemala, I stayed in a rustic ecolodge out in the middle of the northern Guatemalan jungle, amongst jaguars, crocs and monkeys! As we fell asleep, howler monkeys were in the midst of claiming their tree for the night. Completely amazing experience. Perhaps India offers a once in a lifetime trek somewhere in this 50 camping option highlight…..

Wall Street Journal, Yo!

Wondering what life is like here at Oneupweb? Check out our Wall Street Journal documentary! It’s a sexy watch, to be sure.

So we’ve all had a chance to grow accustomed to Google’s Freshness updates (even though they continue to roll out, I’m talking about the major ones, circa early 2012). I have had occasion to be elbow deep in these changes as of late and it seems to me that a familiar pattern has arisen.

Prepare yourself, for I will now reveal the secret to The Google’s updates of late, and all of those yet to come.

Ready?

Here it is:

Old school marketing.

That’s right. Google is forcing the morons who have turned digital “marketing” into a  link farming, bot grabbing, emotionless, userless, user hating paradise into actually working for a living.

Within this old “marketing” world, the only thing that mattered was position #1 on the SERPs. No one cared if the copy was just 237 different variations of a keyword or if their title tag was a seven mile long listing of gibberish and services. No one cared about the user, because digital marketing was search engine marketing and search engines can’t tell the difference between good copy, legit sites and that other tripe.

Well, thanks to Google, now they can. And they’re getting much better at it.

What does this mean for the world of digital marketing? It means that the same idiots that were putting out the above listed crap now need to put out actual marketing materials. And as for the rest us? Well, it’s time to dust off “Confessions of an Advertising Man” and get back to some old school marketing!

Why? I’ll tell you why!

- Because actual people will be landing on your web properties, even the properties that you don’t want people landing on.

- Because Google has Google Voice and, whether they’ll admit it or not, that service is allowing them to teach their bots how to speak in a natural way, thus allowing Google to become very copy savvy.

- Because the #1 position on the SERPs doesn’t mean a damn thing if your bounce rate is 100% after half a second.

- Because Google’s Freshness updates mean that, in many cases, there needs to be some buzz or recent activity around a brand for it to really matter at all.

- Because whatever Google does, Bing will try to do better.

- Because social is a firmly integrated mainstay in search across the board.

- And because a real live user spends money. A Google bot does not.

These reasons and more are proof positive that old school marketing is making a comeback in a very real way.

What do I mean by “old school marketing“? Glad you asked! It just so happens to be the very reason that I am in this field today!

Old school marketing is simple! You’re presented with a brand. That brand either does have, or does not yet have, a voice. If it does, you learn it and you live it. If it does not, you create it. From there, you establish a presence within your industry. You craft an image, you surround that image with emotion and necessity. You convince your target audience that they can not live without your brand and that any other brand is simply settling for less than the ultimate. That image involves art, copy, medium and campaign. Once that is established, you send your brand out into the world. Its success or failure rests with you. If your target audience gets it, buys it and loves it, you succeed. If your target audience hears and sees the message but decides that they can live without it, you fail. Back to the drawing board. Do it again.

That, in a very tight nutshell, is old school marketing. That is what Google is leading the charge into, forcing all of us savvy marketers back into the Mad Men state of mind. And we will all be better for it! As will our brands.

I can hear some of the grumblings now. Google is still just a search engine employing the use of bots to find keywords, your mind mutters.

But, really, is it?

This new search engine realm is not like that of old. The malarkey that some were able to sell to the engines before will not be bought nowadays because those engines are not the search mechanisms of times gone by. They are gaining in intelligence and they are looking out for the user. They are ranking the relevant pages, the well crafted pages, the overwhelmingly awesome pages, the pages that users want to see! How do they know this? Because the users comment, they share, they update, they spread these pages around. Will a user spread around some piece of garbage aimed at “marketing to the search engines”? No, they won’t.

Old school marketing. It’s time to put passion back into this marketing world! It’s time to live and breathe our brands, once again! It’s time to actually care about a brand’s performance with their target audience, not just their ranking within some ancient algorithm that is set to disappear at any time. It’s time to take our brands and make them irresistible. Oneupweb has done this all along, has your marketing house?

The crazy creative minds of Oneupweb’s design team have plastered their walls with all sorts of creative genius today! They’re in the midst of a creative drive/brainstorm that is certain to result in some intensely awesome designs!

I am inspired, and I am on the periphery of this little genius pot. So, as the blog is my little medium, I bring you a list of 5 completely amazing marketing initiatives that I totally could of come up with had I been given the time……and talent.

We start with a sweet, unique concept: bringing your ad to the masses by way of completely mundane activities and a little bit of shock! Jobsintown.de put out some amazing ads depicting folks in some horrid states of employment. They were accompanied by the simple slogan: “Life’s too short for the wrong job.” I have enjoyed this campaign for some time now. Bravo!

Next, we move on to need. I have lived the volunteer’s existence and I still cringe at the stupid excesses that some people deem necessary in this life. I know first hand how few dollars it actually takes to feed a starving child or clothe a poor family or teach a mother how to read. That’s why the People In Need campaign caught my attention and holds it still. $87 million because some dude’s name is on it? Good God. Do something constructive with your life, you freak!

How about some bench advertising? Sound mundane? Nope, it’s actually pretty fun! Everything from Special K’s “99% fat free” ads to Nike’s “Run” ads or a Czech liquor company’s “Get closer” ads to, my favorite, the stamp ad! It turns a normal shorts wearing lass into a walking thigh billboard with upraised writing. Fun!

I’m a fan of ads that make you think. That make you feel. I looooove a beautiful picture and some amazing creative! But, if that pic or that creative does not evoke some emotion within me, it’s lost to me. Oftentimes the creativity outshines the message. And that’s bad m’kay? This ad caught my attention a few months ago and it has grown on me. The creative is brilliant, it makes you think, it evokes emotion and the overall idea is even more so. Also, the brand is not lost at all within the creative. Love it!

Lastly, I point to this video ad. Just watch it. There is so much emotion, creativity and action contained within this short minute and a half. Amazing, for real! One of my all time favorites.

That’s my two cents! Feel free to share your’s with me in the comments!

Soooo.....you guys for real....or what....

I’m calling shenanigans on this one.

SHENANIGANS!

What are you dirrrrrrty boys and girls doing out there making this skeezy little site a hit??

Siiiiiiigh.  Here we go.

Tagged.com. It’s the “social media site” that’s in the news nowadays because it supposedly beat out Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest for time spent per visit. Some folks out there are attributing this to the rise in popularity of “social discovery“.

That is oats and wheat already processed through the bull.

This site has “overtaken” social media giants for time spent per visit because folks like your’s truly cannot believe what they are seeing, so they sit around for a few minutes on break at work laughing their asses off at the morons populating this thing.

Additionally, a quick browse through of highlighted profiles will show you that this site isn’t so much about social discovery as it is about nasty sex discovery. That’s right. I said it. And I’ll add onto it: STDs run rampant on this site. I felt them crawling out of my computer monitor as I attempted to locate some legit reason for the existence of this thing. I couldn’t.

Now, to be fair, the lack of success with that endeavor may have had something to do with the fact that I couldn’t see through the tears (as I was laughing so hard at the various profiles and Raquel’s surprisingly awesome Brooklyn/Rosie Perez accent).

Why is this news?

If Tagged.com is news, so is this: the official website for the White House had 20 million less unique visits last month than did Pichunter (DO NOT GOOGLE PICHUNTER: NSFW). It’s a porn site.

Does that mean that Jenna Jameson will be elected president? No. It means that there are some dubious fellows out there…..and fellehts.

Why oh WHY is there still a social media site out there where a pulsating heart or a glittery unicorn or an embracing nude couple are considered awesome/romantic/sexy posts on one’s comments wall?

Mz. Something I can’t write on this blog listed her interests on Tagged. They consisted of street hustling, etc. Under books, she wrote: “i dnt reed.” No sheet! Wow, such a surprise.

This Tagged.com thing is a perfect example of internet media gone bonkers. Someone gets more time logged on than a major social network and suddenly everyone is saying that “Facebook is over.” If Facebook (or any other of the popular social media sites that I listed in the title of this blog) is over because of this stupid site, I’ll go ahead and gladly return to my life of non-internethood.

This sort of thing is not productive. It does not help society to introduce these morons so that they can procreate, first off, nor does it help anyone or anything else out there to have a web based property like this. There is no use for this site.

If you’ll recall, not so long ago, I commented on a poll that stated that there are people out there that would gladly give up sex for a year if it meant that they could keep their internet connection. This is another iteration of that stupid phenom.

We are, slowly but surely, reverting back to our blob like selves because of tripe like this. Fake interaction, false identities, never leaving your basement (yes, all of these people are operating out of their basements), surviving on Twinkies and nom noms while your virtual identity becomes more adventurous than you.

Yeah, this site sees a higher visit length time. It’s true, and it’s no surprise. Weirdos are sitting on their computers talking to their screens like some creeper. This is not social media, nor is it “social discovery.” This is social suicide. You, Tagged.com users, are never going to be able to show your face in normal society ever again because your new ACTUAL social contacts will inevitably find your Tagged.com profile and will read about what your entire, kinky little behind closed doors life consists of. FYI: New social contacts don’t want to read about that being dragged across your forehead.  For real.

Now, disclaimer: don’t get me wrong here. Life is for living. I’ve done quite a bit of living myself! I am all for this adventure that is life…..and that is exactly why I send this open statement to every Tagged.com user, including the creepy, hefty used car salesman guy who is “Searchin for womin who like to have ‘fun’”: Put your shirt down, pull your pants up, hide the gat, also hide the stacks of fiddies, learn the language that you speak, buy a freaking plane ticket and go live an actual adventure.

Do that and you are no longer a waste of human life. Don’t do it and you can continue to send other creepy people sparkly sexy fairies with “deep” love poetry, because that’s how socializing works.

Don’t worry Facebook. You’re safe.

Spring has arrived…..finally.

With the warmer weather comes two overriding emotions (for most people): the need to clean and the need to eat el fresco!

Well, it seems that Bing has been completely overtaken by the former, judging by their freshly barren results page.

The new SERPs (Search Engine Results Pages) have a noticeably more minimalistic appearance. As Google has begun to load up their SERPs with more and more junk (read: supposedly useful info and options), Bing has effectively out Googled Google with this move.

This is no small change, either, as recent studies suggest that the majority of users would rather see slightly less accurate search results than more clutter on a page. A recent poll by Rasmussen finds that over 70% of search engine users are most annoyed with the “noise” that surrounds search results. This is obviously another attempt by Bing to win a bit of market share away from the perpetual monster in the room, Google.

Since 2010, when Google controlled almost 80% of the search market share, Google’s numbers have been steadily decreasing. Nowadays, most market analysts will say that Google controls approximately 63%-65% of the market, while Bing hovers at around 15%-18%, with the rest of the share being split between the lesser engines.

If you’ll recall, in mid to late 2011 industry pros where heralding the coming battle for supremacy of the search market in 2012 between Google and Microsoft (Bing’s daddy). Thus far, the epic battle promised has yet to truly materialize, although Bing continues to eek out gains on a month by month basis as Google continues to slowly lose market share.

To gain some real numbers, Bing will need to do more than just open up some white space in select areas.

“Bing woke-up one morning and said, ‘I can’t match Google is terms of the amount of information in my SERPs. I’m just going to move in a different direction by going minimalist and offering a sleeker design – but only for some search terms,’” says Oneupweb’s Client Success Specialist Mitch McDonald.

“The minimalist design does work with some searches, while other SERPs are far more distracting than anything that Google does with their layout,” continued Mitch. “For example, if you search ‘lemon’ or ‘party,’ Bing gives you a very distracting image box. Okay, now I can’t stop looking at these pictures of lemons or party favors. Bing has already distracted me from trying to find-out how to start a lemonade orchard or party. Yet, when I put those together, ‘lemon party’ doesn’t give me any hot pictures (don’t search ‘lemon party’ - NSFW). Bing is taking away distractions, adding new ones in a different location, then naming it an ‘improvement’.”

“The major issue Bing has is the size of its index and the quality of search results,” says Oneupweb’s Lead Client Success Specialist (and resident roller derby diva) Krista Oleson. “Whether they make their images small or strip out the side navigation, it doesn’t really matter if people don’t go there in the first place. They need to focus on creating tools and search features that Google doesn’t have or doesn’t feature. Like ‘Popular now.’”

That closing thought is copyright Krista.

She is absolutely correct, as is Mitch, albeit with an unfortunate niche pornography example, but hey, it helps this blog’s SEO! I can put “pornography” in the tags!

I will readily admit that I utilize Bing on a daily basis. I have nothing against Google and must go to Google for some searches as they are, for now, better at crawling the web than Bing. I find that I will most often hop over to Google for a search when that search is done in Images. Bing just can’t find anywhere near to the amount of relevant images that Google can.

Bottom line here, yeah, this cleaner, more sleek presentation is a great thing. I hate irrelevant ads and spammy sites that usually rank pretty high. I don’t search for something with the intent to pay for that information. If I search for “Bubba’s Traverse City”, I couldn’t care less about white pages, yellow pages, 50 year old articles, family trees, super pages or any of that other malarkey that won’t give me any info at all whatsoever. So, cleaning it up is a great thing, but it doesn’t help with relevance.

True, I’m not being served a billion meaningless ads during some of my searches. True, the results are much easier to navigate through. But, there’s still the fact that Bing is worlds behind Google in search capabilities.

As harsh as it may seem, in my opinion, Bing needs to focus on keeping folks on their site before turning to aesthetics. I understand that this helps the overall user experience, but you need to have those users to have that superior experience make sense. To get those users, Bing needs to hit Google where it will hurt and where it will make a difference: on the SERPs.

Let’s let Aaron Dexter, another Lead Client Success Specialist here at Oneupweb, close this blog out, shall we? Thoughts, Aaron?

“Yes, I have a thought, if you carve a new design in a tree in the forest but no one sees the tree, did you really carve a new design in a tree in the forest?”

Ah yes. Confucius, modern day.

OH! One more thought! Go here and search for Bubba’s Traverse City. I have just discovered this awesome little search engine, and even though I have only utilized it in curiosity, I am rather impressed. Real search results. Now that’s groundbreaking!

As is the Friday tradition here at StraightUpSearch, I am proud, honored and slightly embarrassed to bring you ONEUPWEB’S 10 THINGS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED this past week. Epic. Just…..epic.

Cinco De Cerveza!

Tomorrow is Cinco De Mayo and, just like most other holidays that once held some sort of deep meaning (Cinco De Mayo is when the Mexican army beat the French….or a celebration of freedom and independence following the US Civil War, depending on where you are), this holiday has been dumbed down to a celebration of beer. Huffington Post has a cool little debate going at the moment. I contributed this to the fray.

The Sport Of Kings

That’s right! Tomorrow is also the Kentucky Derby! Place your bets and sip those mint juleps well!

When In Rome

Since the first two referenced alcohol, I’ll keep the ball rolling here. The good folks at Wahh Quantum Sensations has a solution to……holding a bottle? Not sure what this thing solves, but whatever. A single squirt from this recycled breath freshener spray can-like apparatus will render one drunk. Alcohol is delivered directly to your bloodstream by way of the misting and BAM, instant buzz.

Sounds……pointless. When I am out drinking with friends, I like the tastes, the feel, the sounds, the sights. I am an experience guy, a slow down and enjoy the world kinda guy. This just takes our already psychotic society and gives them yet another excuse to never slow down and enjoy anything, thus stroking out at 30. Thanks. That’s just….wonderful.

Brooks’ PC Rant

People are entirely too emotional and sensitive these days.

I am a 31 year old, 6′3″ (voluntarily) bald dude with a sleek, sexy beard. I am the butt of many a comedian’s jokes, a stereotype on almost every sitcom out there and constantly mocked by friends and strangers alike (mostly light heartedly). Does any of this bother me? No. Do I throw around words like “bigot”, “racist”, “baldist”, etc? No. Why? Because I don’t care. I am quite happy with me and I enjoy self deprecation as well as humor that I can identify with. Even if something did offend me, I still wouldn’t care. And I have been slightly offended before! Oh yes, I have! Homeless people are constantly telling me that I am too ugly to be with the lovely lady that I call fiance, but, again, this guy doesn’t care.

Enter Ashton Kutcher doing what Eddie Murray, Billy Crystal, Mike Myers, Sasha Baron Cohen, etc. have done ad naseum throughout the years: mocking a stereotype. People were offended by this. That means that people looked at that character and thought “hey, he’s mocking me! How dare he!”

First off, if that character is you, then yeah, you need some mocking. Secondly, get over it. I am so very sick of whiny little cry babies that need to go running to big brother whenever anyone says or does something that they find slightly offensive.

Vanish, for real. And, while you’re at it, take the morons who pay attention to you with you on your little vanish vacation.

Speaking Of Someone Who Needs Some Mocking

This lady is in trouble for supposedly bringing her daughter into a tanning salon and throwing her into a tanning bed. Blah blah blah. That’s not the story here. The story here is this chick’s leathery bag excuse for skin! She has brought to light a new term: tanorexic. Wow. This lady is a walking cancer petri dish, for real. Who’s responsible for telling her that looks good??

Marketing Gets Creepy…..Yet Sexy

Sir Richard Branson has always been one of my favorite fellows. I’ve never met him, but now, thanks to Virgin Airlines, I can get one step closer, by drinking my vodka and orange juice as said liquids drip off of Sir’s smiling face.

Richard wanted to be closer to his consumer. So her had them begin serving ice cubes from trays that contain molds of his face. Awesome!

And Spirit Too

Spirit Airlines will institute a policy that states that if you wait to pay for your carry-on until you arrive at the gate, you’ll be paying $100 for the privilege of  carrying your own bag on and stowing your own bag away. Wow, these guys have already declared war on war veterans (yeah, they pretty much hate them), but now they’re taking on the only demographic keeping them afloat: the adventure traveler/backpacker. Throughout my years of living in Guatemala, I utilized Spirit. The service was always horrid, but the price was right and I only had my backpack with me, so I compromised. Now, the service sucks, the management sucks and the price is approaching that of a private jet. Sorry Spirit, I give you another six months, then hellooooooo bankruptcy!

Oh! Best part: this new policy goes into affect just a few days before Thanksgiving. Just a little “love” from Spirit.

Additionally….possible solution?

Making Us Look Like Imperials….Brilliant!

The Navy has gone Star Wars……bad guys, not Jedis. This new uniform looks like a mix between Captain Kirk’s Star Trek and the Imperial Army. This is really going to help us spread democracy…..

Keg Droid

More alcohol related news: Droid, the ever popular Google mobile operating system, has gained an amazing new feature! Bring you your favorite brews!!

WWMRD (What Would Mr. Rogers Do?)

This explains a lot. Seems that the uber popular British children’s show Play School (circa 1960s and 70s) allowed their actors some added inspiration before stepping in front of the cameras. According to The Telegraph out of London, these children’s icons were baked out of their minds. Yes, that does explain a lot.

There you have it! Some light Friday reading. Hopefully it helped ease you into the weekend! Enjoy the festivities folks! See you on Monday.

Ask anyone who has made it to the third floor here at Oneupweb what stands out the most upon stepping off of the elevator and they will say “trophies…..loads and loads of trophies.” And they would be right.

Upon disembarking, the average visitor to Oneupweb will stand in awe of the shelves full of awards, statuettes and accolades lining almost every inch of wall space.

Well, thanks to our kick ass design team, we will be burdening the wall studs with one more bauble!

That’s right, the Communicator Awards have recognized our Cookbook as an excellent piece of marketing awesomeness!

In celebration of this shiny new thing, I have gone behind the scenes here at Oneupweb (or OUW as those in the know say), and secured an exclusive interview with the  mastermind behind the creation of the Cookbook, Jess (Flash) Gordon!

Jess is one of our mind-blowingly awesome Interactive Graphic Designers. And, apparently, with this Cookbook thing, she has thoroughly blown the minds of the folks at Communicator!

“The cookbook is a collection of drink and appetizers with a digital twist: the classic recipe titles have been renamed to correlate to our Search, Social, or Design services or just the internet in general,” says Jess. “The images were then literal interpretations of the titles. For example, the Dirty Birdie (some know it as a Dirty Martini) was illustrated with a peacock and parakeet holding helmets at a dirt bike track.  We use it to send to businesses that we would like to work with, to give them a little ‘taste’ of who we are and what we do.”

But, as one would expect, this isn’t the first hoorah for this semi-seasoned designer.

“In February, a project that I worked on with a team of my classmates during our senior year at Ferris State University won a Silver Addy award from AAF West Michigan,” explains Jess. “We designed the collateral for the Grand Rapids Student Advancement Foundation annual event, MindShare. It was an incredibly rewarding project and to get recognition for the work we did was really the cherry on top.”

Jess is the first to point out that this Cookbook was a team effort, which is saying a lot, because Jess absolutely loathes the team that she works with, entirely.

“They keep me on my toes with their crazy antics!” says Jess. “I really like how awesome everyone is at their job. We produce some really cool things by working and learning together. We’re smart designers. We not only think about making things look pretty, but the usability is also something that we work hard on. Good design is making sure the message is clear and that the user has a positive, memorable experience. And that’s exactly what our specialty is.”

Woo. Chilly! The hatred runs deep!

Seriously though folks, Jess is a fun loving gal who enjoys the Traverse City lifestyle, especially during the summer! She says that she is able to find a huge amount of creativity within this most lovely of regions.

“I love wandering around downtown Traverse City. I occasionally volunteer at the State Theater which is a ton of fun. Finding all the little spots unique to the area, like great local restaurants or tiny used books stores, is the right type of adventure for me. And the beach! Especially here at the office, the view of the bay with all of the swans, geese, loons and ducks right out in front of us. I love it.”

But, just in case you’re thinking that Jess is all peaches and cream, happy happy happy, don’t be fooled. She has a truly evil side as well, as evidenced by her answer here, after I asked for a slight personal critique.

“While David’s beard is gloriously full, you mix the style up and I appreciate that. So while I can’t say whether or not it’s sexier, I do like it.”

See? Incredibly hurtful, yet in a very diplomatic way. This round goes to you, David’s beard. Touche.

And now, before I head to the bathroom and berate myself in the mirror for not having a beard like David’s, I leave you with some severely awesome parting thoughts from Jess. Enjoy!

“There is something really cool about getting a thumbs up for creating images of robotic onions and nerd royalty.”